Growing up, I always enjoyed New Years. A lot of it was still the newness of everything I got for Christmas - there was music to listen to, toys to play with, books to read....and much of it was just enjoying my New Years Eve. Our family would go out to dinner and then get together with Grandma and Pappy to play cards and watch the festivities on TV.
Nine years ago, my New Years changed...for the better. As the calendar turned to 2002, Jim and I "officially" started dating at midnight. That has always just been the icing on the cake, an extra celebration on top of a "new start."
Four years ago, part of me was lost when my grandfather passed away on New Years Eve. I'll never forget that year. On December 30, 2006, I was out shopping - my grandfather had gone into the hospital while I was home seeing my baby niece Jenna, and while I knew it wasn't good, I was holding onto the hope that the season could bring us a miracle. When I got back from shopping, Jim was on the phone with my sister - my grandmother had had to make the decision no one should ever have to make about the person they love - they were going to keep him comfortable.
The next morning, Jim went to work. I was on pins and needles - I got the call close to lunchtime that he had passed that morning, with my mom and her sisters and their husbands and my grandma at his bedside. I called Jim, who rushed home. On January 1, 2007, we flew home for his funeral. We were only there a couple of days, and it passed in a blur.
The past four years have been a blur - it seems like just yesterday, I was laughing at one of his jokes or silly songs. In reality, I have gotten married, he has had 4 great-grandkids born, and 2 more on the way.
I am comforted because I truly believe Brooke sees him and is knowing him, even though the rest of us can't (my nephew Thad too). They will wave and laugh and say that it's Poppop - even though neither of them ever had the privilege of meeting him while he was alive. One day, Brooke said that he sings silly songs, and one day when she lost it for no reason at all, I asked if it was Poppop and she said yes - he was blocking her view of Barney.
This year, New Years holds the promise of an even better year, a fresh start, great things for my family. But there, in the background, is the sense of loss.
We miss you, Pappy, and will see you again someday. We love you.
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